The older I get, Lord, the more I seek recourse
to the archives of my mind and heart,
that labyrinth where more is stored
than ever I’ll sort out
for I lack the time and memory’s keys to unlock and to open
all my life has stored away…
Still, there’s comfort just in knowing it’s all there:
all the good and all the bad,
the memorable and forgettable,
the joyful and the painful,
what’s well-known, what’s best kept secret,
my successes and defeats, all I’ve done and failed to do,
my faith and doubt, despair and hope,
my loves – both real and make-believe,
the files of my faithfulness, the folders of my failures
– and the thread of your sweet mercy, Lord,
unraveling the snarled, making sense of my confusion,
bringing order to the disarray of ideas, thoughts and memories,
of feelings and emotions,
of the things I most remember
and what I’ve tried hard to forget
and everything that happened without forethought or design
and all that came from your hand
as blessing and surprise…
Have I locked up files, Lord,
that need to see the light of day?
Are there entries in my archives
that I need to bring to prayer?
Do I spend my time consulting
just the files that make me sad
while ignoring all the records
of the joy that has been mine?
Send your Spirit, Lord, to open
what I need to see again
and to put away at last, as healed,
what weighs heavy on my mind…
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Help me find in my heart’s archives
the story of your love for me
especially in those chapters
when I wondered where you’d gone…
You know everything that’s stored, Lord,
in the archives of my heart,
all the good and all the bad,
all the joy and all the sorrow
and you love what you have found
for its the story of your grace,
the story of your love for me
and my love, Lord, for you…
Amen.
